Twilight: To Do or Not To Do?

Twilight has been done to death I’m quite aware of this, but I’ve never written up anything on the worldwide bestselling series by Stephanie Meyer. I have to be honest I’ve never read the series as a whole and probably never will despite one of my best friends going on about how “it’s the best vampire book ever”.  She knew I loved vampires and have since I was probably twelve, but Twilight holds absolutely no fascination for me. Particularly because I do not view it as a “vampire” book.

When the Twilight movie came out in November of 2008 I sort of gave in to my friend. Late one night, bored out of my mind, and unable to write I decided to find out more about Twilight and its writer. Ever the Google Queen, as another friend refers to me, I found Ms. Meyers’ website where I could read excerpts from the books. Knowing I would get zero peace if I didn’t at least try I resigned myself to at least reading the excerpts.

My first thought was if I gave my editor something like this she would ask me “Are you on drugs? Have you lost your mind?”. The sad thing is that she would be right. It was utterly boring and brain numbing. I tried–I really did. I even made excuses in my head for why I couldn’t get into it. Maybe it was because it was YA and even as a kid I read beyond my reading level. Hell, I read V.C. Andrews’ Flowers in the Attic when I was fourteen!  Of course had my mom known at the time that it involved the subject of incest she probably would have thrown a fit. 😀 Eventually, I gave up and backed away, but as most of you know it’s difficult to escape Twilight. I just told my friend it wasn’t my cup of tea and she shrugged. My choice not to read the best thing since sliced bread. Yeah…right [rolls eyes].

After the movie came out I reconsidered, thinking perhaps I could stomach the story as a movie. A loan of the movie from a friend, who thought it would be hilarious to hear my reaction, sent me stepping into the world of Twilight. I had the sudden feeling I had been skipping through a beautiful meadow and ended up stepping into a huge steaming pile of cow shit [shudders in horror]. I got as far as the point where Edward reveals why they don’t go out in sun. My jaw dropped and hit the floor. You’re kidding–right? I thought. They sparkle? They shine and sparkle like diamonds or some other such nonsense? That was it, the final straw that broke the camel’s back.

Vampires my ass.

Frankly, I find Ms. Meyers’ take on vampires insulting; vegetarian, sparkling, and pussified excuses for vampires. I lost a great deal of respect for my friend’s intelligence [the one who’d raved about the books] after that. I couldn’t watch the rest of the movie. It literally nauseated me.

Fast forward a few months and I decided to try out Twilight again. This time though I watched the Riff Trax version. For those of you not familiar with Riff Trax it’s a commentary done by the guys responsible for Mystery Science Theater 3000 affectionately known as MST3K by its fans. The point is to mock movies by commenting and sometimes inserting your own dialogue while watching said movie. Curious about Riff Trax click HERE. This time I made it through the entire movie and I even heard what one of my friends described as the “sparkles soundtrack” which is the sound you hear when Edward reveals his sparkly secret.

Although, I laughed my ass off this time I did note something disturbing about the story.

The presentation of this story is so wrong on so many levels it makes my brain hurt. Edward our hero is nothing more than a stalker to be honest. He follows Bella everywhere even when he claims he’s bad for her. He can’t seem to control himself. At one point he actually enters her bedroom and watches her sleep. The meaningful glances between them is more akin to watching a serial killer choose his next victim. What the hell? Seriously, what the hell? Let me tell you this is not romantic in the least. It’s fucking creepy and considering  the majority of the fans are tweens and teenagers, who are impressionable as hell, not a good model of an “epic romance” or what “true love” looks like.

Bella comes off as a self-centered, weepy, helpless female that can’t take care of herself and has the intelligence of a grapefruit. And that comment is an insult to the grapefruit. In my humble opinion Ms. Meyers has set back everything the Woman’s Movement has accomplished by at least 50 years and possibly more. Millions of girls are being told that the behaviors of Edward are the signs of true love when in reality they should be running for the hills from someone who acts like this. Future abusive husband anyone?

New Moon which I’ve watched without aid of Riff Trax just furthers the misconception that without a man a woman is nothing. Bella’s obsession with Edward is unhealthy to the point that the girl needs to be committed to a mental hospital. Her father is completely useless as a parent and where the hell is her mother through all this? Off gallivanting with her sexy new husband I suppose. If my daughter barely ate, dumped her friends, never left her room, and suffered from nightmares where she woke screaming  bloody murder I would be dragging her ass so fast to therapy her head would spin like Linda Blair’s in The Exorcist. She basically becomes suicidal at the thought of never seeing her Edward again. Without him she devolves into a state of mind that again hearkens back to the mindset of an abused girlfriend/wife who has such low self-esteem that she honestly believes without him her life is worth nothing. Way to go on sending this twisted message to the masses of impressionable young women, Ms. Meyers.

As a woman and a mother Meyers should damn well know better. This is your idea of love? I have to ask here–Ever considered going to therapy?  I think you would benefit from it. Because if I had a daughter she would hate me for not allowing her to read this twisted and sickening trash. Any parent worth their salt would agree.

Suffice to say my answer to the question posed in the subject line is this.

Twilight? No, thank you. Absolutely not!

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