Dreams are still as mysterious to modern man as they were to ancient man with one exception. Modern science will tell you that dreams are your subconscious mind communicating to you those things you suppress in your conscious state. Ancient man believed dreams were messages from the gods and goddesses. Being an open-minded and spiritual individual I’m open to the idea that perhaps both sides are correct. Who is to say that our subconscious isn’t a doorway into the divine?
I started thinking about this recently for a number of reasons one of which is the reappearance of an image in my dreams that has been absent for nearly 15 years–a deep purple rose.
The first time I recall this particular image was when I was sixteen. It was around that time that I began remembering my nocturnal wanderings via my subconscious. I recall a man in a long robe with intensely blue eyes standing at the foot of my bed. He seemed to glow with a brilliant light and he reached out towards me hands cupped around said rose. He never spoke, but rather smiled, and nodded at me.
A year later my aunt offered me the opportunity to escape the small town I felt crushed in and so desperately wanted to flee. I said yes and after finishing high school headed for St. Louis, where I’ve resided for nearly 24 years.
It was a number of years before the rose and the mystery man appeared again in my dreams. It was around 5 or 6 years later right before I took another huge step in my life. I’d been living with my boyfriend for nearly 8 months and it wasn’t going well. The guy who’d been so loving and attentive before was disappearing into the night, no explanation, and no phone calls. I spent more than one night letting my imagination run wild about what I’d done to cause this. Yeah, I was stupid, young, and insecure.
One night I feel asleep, crying my eyes out because yet again I came home to an empty apartment. I thought I was awake at first, but then it dawned on me that I was dreaming. Again this stranger appeared, but this time he seemed sad, shaking his head, and again held out the rose again. As he did I woke. A week later we would end the relationship and the following month he moved out of state. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since.
Now these were the only two times that the man appeared, but I went on to have numerous dreams featuring the deep purple rose. Then around the time I was 28 or 29 the dreams stopped. Nearly 15 years have passed since the last appearance of that beautiful image. No roses, no blue-eyed man, and though they had confounded me and sometimes terrified me I ultimately missed them. Despite all that time the image stuck with me and anytime I’m near flowers I recall that rose. I’ve never been able to discover a rose quite that color in real life. Then last night–the rose returned. As I sit here and type this I’m intrigued by this sudden reappearance of an image I’ve come to consider a sign of things to come. Every time that image has appeared something big has happened/changed in my life. Each time that change ended up to be something good even if I didn’t believe it in the beginning.
Now I ask you readers–how can this be my subconscious? How could I know that my aunt would, all those years ago, offer me an escape from a life I hated? How could I know that my relationship would dissolve over what might have been just a bump in the road? I’m not saying there is no logical explanation, I’m saying I’ve never found one. To me that rose represents a message from my guardian angel/spirit. Perhaps the first two times he knew I needed to see him and thus he appeared. But what about the dream last night?
This time I recall his eyes so brilliant and sparkling with almost a blue flame and the rose he held seemed to glow with this inner light. Maybe this time the change is going to be even bigger than anything I’ve known before. I guess we’ll see…