When the Universe Bites…

I’ve struggled my entire life to do what’s right. I’ve tried to be a better person and learn from my mistakes. It’s not the easiest thing to do when you feel you’re alone in the world. For the longest time I’ve been wondering whether I’m even on the right track at all. If perhaps being a writer is a fantasy that I should just let go of and move on, but at my heart I’m a stubborn woman who has a streak of fire in my gut that often leaves me with indigestion and a blank page in front of me.

The past few months have been frustrating at the least and pure insanity at its worst. It’s also been peppered with reasons why I continue internally fighting with myself and trying my damnedest not to give in to my doubts. When I stepped into the publishing ring I was terrified…hell I still am. Am I disappointed about certain aspects of publishing? Damn straight I am. I’ve learned that being in publishing is very much like stepping back in time and onto the playground of my childhood.

Don’t get me wrong, this adult playground isn’t all bad not by a long shot. I’ve met some wonderful supportive people, but I’ve also met some assholes. Yeah, I said it–ASSHOLES. These people are the bullies of the publishing world; fellow writers, reviewers, artists, etc. who for whatever reason feel the need to knock you down just when you’ve pulled yourself up and dusted the seat of your pants off. Their reasons are numerous at least that’s what I’m sure they believe, but their reasons are often rooted in their own insecurities.

Nelson Muntz the Bully of Springfield

In the two years that I’ve been maneuvering the publishing playground I’ve faced down with an artist (and I use the word artist lightly) who was incredibly homophobic and in my opinion tried their damnedest to screw my first cover up. My friends saw the work the artist did and it earned the nickname The Angry Rentboy. Very amusing considering the character represented in the atrocity was a male academic who just happened to be bi-sexual. I’ve ran into (on two separate occasions) reviewers who insulted my abilities as a writer without offering any useful concrit. It seemed that their main goal was just to knock me on my ass and laugh in my face (think Nelson Muntz on the Simpsons–ha, ha!).

Another type of run-in I’ve had is with writers who can be–how should I say this without coming off as an ass myself? Oh, screw it! They can be just nasty bitches/bastards who seem to be focused on running writers off the playground. What is the whole point? Do they believe if they insult enough of their fellow writers that they’ll make it to the top of the food chain?

Come on people…

Have you noticed how many writers there are out there on the playground? I really think you would better serve your career by just focusing on your writing and leaving the rest of us the hell alone. Just because I get positive responses to my writing doesn’t mean that I’m blowing the reviewer under the table. Yeah, a vulgar analogy, but it pretty much describes one incident that pissed me off. I work hard on my writing, hell I quite often tear myself bald during writing sessions figuratively. The last thing I need is for some insecure person accusing me of greasing the wheel to get attention. Trust me if I were greasing the wheel I wouldn’t be setting here writing this, but rather I would be a NY Times Bestselling author, and Oprah would be hawking my book to the masses. Instead I’m a struggling writer who will more than likely never be noticed by Random House, Oprah, or Hollywood.

So, in a nutshell–BUGGER OFF!

I’ve always been one of those people that held their tongue in professional arenas, turned the filter on super mode, because I’m opinionated (just ask my friends). I’m passionate about whatever I’m doing in my life and writing is no exception. There have been a few times over the years that the universe in general has pushed my buttons once too often and the filter just popped of and the shit hit the fan. It’s rare, but it happens. Over the past two years, I’ve lurked in the shadows, listened to what other writers have said, and on occasion have thrown in my two-cents worth. Not anymore though.

My mother always loved to fling sayings about as answers to the questions I would ask as a kid. One of her favorite ones was the oldie, but goody, Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. I never understood that until I was confronted by the adult world. Trust me I was raised right. I’m honest and straightforward. I’m the friend who tells you like it is even if you don’t want to hear it. I don’t molly-coddle the people in my life. I’m there when they need me and back off when they need their space. I encourage my friends to go for their dreams, to grow up and face their demons. Am I perfect–hell, no! I’m only human and with that shocking confession 😉 I’m calling the universe out.

I’m tired of being bit in the ass and allowing you and your minions to influence my dreams. This writer just grew fangs and your about to learn that if you bite–this time I’m biting back.



3 comments on “When the Universe Bites…

  1. My advice to anyone struggling as a writer—stay away from other writers lol. Stay out of their loops. Stay out of their circles. Sometimes you will find a few who are NOT into this whole –kill em all syndrome—so that they are the only writer standing (which means the world will be forced to read their stuff).

    Yeah, you WILL find a few who are not about that. So those are the writers you hold close as FRIENDS, not really so much as writers. And then the rest are like faces in a big corporate building of thousands…pass by, smile, drop something on their desk when YOU HAVE TOO, and then keep going.

    When you get into this business, everyone says, “JOIN THIS GROUP and THIS ONE, and THIS one.” and you do. And that’s how you start to go a little batty. While there are some writing places that offer great help, there are others that will sink you. And that’s what this business has done to them. It’s made them bitter (hell most are bitter in life regardless), and it has made them jealous, tormented, and insane.

    They have struggled for so long that they begin to sharpen their teeth in the big pool with the million little fishes. They got bad reviews, so they give someone else a bad review. They got bad advice, so they give others bad advice. They have went off the deep end—into complete– and– total– reality– show–state–of–mind. Forgetting that more than one book fills a Library—forgetting that NOT JUST ONE WRITER MAKES IT–they get into the ‘vote them all off the island’ mentality, thinking there is only one coconut to be had.

    Sadly, (for them, not you) they will not make it in this business. After they eat and destroy their young, they will then start chomping on their own leg. Eventually, they will consume themselves. Period.

    As for those holding ill attitudes towards the m/m genre. They too will fade into the dark. While I don’t write m/m, I applaud those who do. Why? Because its one of the BEST SELLING GENRES on the market. Its not just being bought up by those who are Gay, but also by those who are straight. People LOVE IT. And with that being said, I don’t envy the Authors who do write for it. Because that MEANS the competition is even fiercer. AND that’s why so many will attack, will act ugly, and anything else they can pull.

    I have seen your work Mz. Jesse Fox. I have seen the reviews. You have AWESOME TALENT. It shows in your work. It shows in YOU. You have a professionalism that is rare these days and a creativity that SPEAKS VOLUMES and THAT is why so many try to cause you trouble lol.

    You know what they say….

    You know you have made it big when everyone tries to sue you.

    Well they forgot to tell you what happens BEFORE you make it big…

    You know when you have the ability to be a success AND the TALENT to get you there, when everyone tries to crush you (before you make it big).

    Don’t let anyone make you let go of your dream…and a career that YOU were meant for.

    • Bless your little ol’ heart Mz. Scarlett! *smishes you* Right back at ya lady!

      You’re one of those who I’ve met in my travels on the playground that is a beautiful person both within and without. You’ve opened my eyes to a great deal and there will never be enough words to thank you for that.

      I’ve allowed the negative to grabbed onto my pant leg and drag me down for the past few months. I’ve struggled with the whole what’s popular vs. being true to myself and more is better vs. quality over quantity among many issues. Being a writer is far more complicated than I ever believed it would be.

      Getting my name out there alone is the hardest thing. I’ve tried everything I can think of and sometimes the blue-bug of depression sets on my shoulder like Eeyore on crack, moaning and raining on my bloody parade. I think it would be easier if I had someone close to me in my day to day life that supported me. Sadly, even my long-time best friend isn’t around for support and even when she was around there wasn’t much support to be had when it came to my writing. Although, I tried to think the best about that situation I eventually just quit trying to talk to her about that aspect of my life.

      My mom was right about two things:

      1) Don’t expect support from anyone, but yourself.

      2) Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

      I’ll continue fighting for my dream until my last breath. Of that you can be sure.

  2. you do know right that I’m sitting there on your shoulder laughing into your ear when you tell me you’re gonna give up writing and that your muse is dead. You cant stop writing woman. It’s not a part of who you are. And its not someone I’m gonna let you be.



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