Gay Marriage – A Het Woman’s POV

Love Comes in Many Colors

Since California’s Prop 8 banned gay marriage the subject has been on the front line and numerous people have written about it both in a positive and negative light. Those who are against gay marriage claim that this one simple thing will do everything from destroy the American family to bring about the destruction of civilization as we know it.

Drama queens much?

Despite being raised in a tiny town (pop. 400) filled with close-minded people that turned their nose up at anyone that wasn’t white, straight, and upper middle-class my parents raised my siblings and I better than that. We were told from a very young age that despite our exterior appearance that if you stripped away everything including our skins we were all the same beneath; flesh, blood, bone, and all God’s children. That to me is one of the true meanings of being Christian.

Although, being gay was not something that was openly discussed that didn’t mean that as a kid I didn’t understand what that meant. In high school the kids whispered about a certain boy who was a year younger than me. The words faggot and pansy were passed around as if they were just discussing the weather and even then I knew that what was happening was wrong. I remember at one point that this guy disappeared from school for a short period of time. There were rumors, but no one knew exactly why. When he returned, something had changed in him. There was a sadness that made my heart ache.

Going into my adult life I was given the pleasure of meeting and becoming best friends with David. David had grown up with my cousin (who became my life long best friend). He came out at 19 after years of internal turmoil. Raised as a Christian, David looked on his homosexuality as yet another test from God. He had lunch every Tuesday afternoon with his pastor who though he believed homosexuality was a choice welcomed anyone into his flock. They had numerous conversations about the subject of sexual orientation, God’s love, his plan, and original sin. Towards the end of David’s time in St. Louis I was surprised to hear that he was beginning to reach his pastor through the clog of religion.

Unfortunately, David was diagnosed with a second bout of the cancer that had almost taken his life as a young teenager. By that time he was working as a nanny in New York. Given six months he chose to end his own life. David had one dream. He wanted to find that one person who would love, treasure, and respect him for the person he was. When I hear these close-minded bigots go on about the evils of gay marriage I feel anger swell up in me. I swear I feel as if I could spit fire. And then I hear David’s voice whisper in my ear as if he were standing right next to me.

Don’t be angry, just speak up. Appeal to their hearts and their minds. Hate is just one step from love.

That was David in a nutshell. He always appealed to the humanity in all of us no matter how deep it might be buried. He didn’t think in terms of gay/straight or white/black. He never showed hate toward anyone. His smile could melt the heart of the coldest people and open the door to the light. I sometimes wonder what he would make of this entire argument. Would David be on the front lines or would he be working quietly behind the scenes converting one person at a time? I loved him like I’ve loved few people in my life. He opened my eyes to a world I knew little about. His compassion and love helped transformed a quiet, shy country girl into the woman that sits here today.

Not that long ago, I was working for a florist, and the first wedding we had ended up being a commitment ceremony for a young lesbian couple. I worked with these two young women meeting to discuss colors and dates. Getting to know them was a pleasure and a gift if only in passing. One was a police cadet, the other a student and artist. Seeing them together it was obvious they were in love and cared for one another deeply. They had hoped to be able to have a legal marriage, but two months before their date Oct. 31, 2004 on August 04, 2004 a state constitutional ban on gay marriage was voted into law. Instead of a feeling of defeat, they smiled at one another and the oldest simply said, “This is just the beginning. They can vote all they want, but they will not silence our love.”

Although, I was invited along with my boss to the ceremony I was unable to attend. My boss did go. He was a Christian, a true Christian, and said it was one of the most beautiful ceremonies he’d ever seen. The joy, he explained was a living breathing thing. The love obvious and he told me anyone that can see something like this and not be touched by its beauty is a damned fool. Let the chips fall where they may, but God or whatever you may call the creator of this world was there watching over these two women. Blessing them and smiling upon them with grace and acceptance that we need to learn and embrace.

I agree.

Whatever happened to being created equal? Marriage is something we all have the right to experience; good, bad, and ugly. As humans we have the right to celebrate our love no matter the origins of that love. May the Goddess and her consort, guide this world from hate and back to love. As my mother often told me, Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

I try to believe that people are inherently good, but it gets more difficult with each passing day. Of course, the Irish-Cherokee in me has an opinion that David would shake his head at and chuckle…

Love is love people. Nature doesn’t discern why should humanity? Now get off the damn cross, someone else needs the wood!


14 comments on “Gay Marriage – A Het Woman’s POV

  1. Quote: Those who are against gay marriage claim that this one simple thing will do everything from destroy the American family to bring about the destruction as civilization as we know it.

    I don’t understand that statement. I never have. How does one marriage destroy another one because it is different? That’s like saying Coke drinkers ruin the lives of Pepsi drinkers. Denying Gays the right to get married does NOT stop people from being Gay.

    I don’t think this should even be an issue. The ones who are bitching about it, religious finger pointers, should look into their own faith and remember that marriage was, in the beginning, something frowned upon by their own churches. Until someone realized, “OH CRAP! We can not give birth to more religious people and populate our brainwash unless they start having sex (which oops, we said was bad) so we have to at least let them have sex…BUT MARRIED SEX…to make it…well, somewhat right…right?”

    Marriage was a Pagan thing and no where did any Pagan carve into a stone claiming that Gays can not marry. Gays have existed in nature, in life, from the moment life took its first breath. Love is love—despite color, religion, or gender.

    No one has the right to tell anyone else what they can or can not do. (As long as its not harming anyone) and if two gay men or women get married, that’s not gonna affect my damn life one bit lol. It will neither break my leg or bring my house down.

    If we deny Gays the right to get married, then we might as well tell black people they are no longer free, Religions that they can no longer worship, and women (of any color) that they can no longer vote. This entire debate is just…well…pointless. Ya know? It shouldn’t even BE an issue.

  2. I couldn’t agree more. I just needed to get some things off my chest. Since the overturn of Prop 8 it has been a hot topic on some of the writer groups I’m on. You can only listen to so much before your cork wants to pop.

    BTW I’m a Dr. Pepper girl so where does that leave me? *winks & snickers*

    • I think you did right by getting it off your chest. I think more people need to get it off their chest. See, that’s where these bitcher and moaners are getting off…no one is saying anything but them. So they foolishly think they speak for the majority, and they don’t. I think the majority needs to speak up and say hey, change the damn law because no one cares if they get married.

      It should be an issue on writing groups (last i was there, they discussed everything else lol) because the many of them are writing Gay fiction. I’d think, if anything, they’d want to take a political stand and be loyal to their following.

      It leaves you doing that crazy comercial Broadway dance, screaming…”IM a Pepper, you’re a pepper….la la la.” Bet you remember THAT ONE lol.

      • Thanks, Mz. Scarlet! *hugs*

        Sometimes the “OMG!” takes over and I have to vent at the stupidity of this country.

        And yes I do recall “THAT ONE”. The dude that was the Dr. Pepper guy in his white oh, so bloody late 70’s polyester bell bottoms was the “America Werewolf in London” dude. Now that’s what I call range! *snorts*

  3. But here’s the problem, there are most close minded people than there are open minded. I live in an area where it’s God’s law or you go to hell. You can’t even speak outloud about being pagan/wiccan much less being gay. I like women, and some men. But I’d like to find a woman who fits with me and be happy. I’ve had it with all the wrong men. Trouble is I have found the right woman, but she’s married and I don’t want to impose. I like her husband as a friend. Haters, bigots, and close minded people just need to get a life, their own and leave us all to minding our business. Great blog!

    • Trust me I get it. The community I was born and raised in was the same damn way. I don’t really think it’s a matter of the close-minded outnumbering the open-minded, although it does seem that way most days. It’s more along the lines that the close-minded have the biggest mouths and are the biggest attention whores.

      Point a camera in their direction and they come in their pants they get so excited. They’re there grinning like idiots and blathering on about their so-called Good intentions. They also have no problem looking like the ignorant, uneducated, lemmings they are. Anyone that follows a religion blind and without question ends up being cannon fodder in the end. It isn’t really about right or wrong. Their beloved spiritual leaders are using them and the issue to fill their coffers and insinuate themselves where they do not belong.

      As I recall there is suppose to be a separation of church and state in this country, but from all the bullshit that goes on you wouldn’t know it.

      What we need to do is speak up. If we believe in true freedom we need to raise our voices until they drown out the song of ignorance.

  4. Oh, this blog made my day. How I would have loved David and his wonderful soul, and I’m glad he made such an impact on you, Jesse, and that your parents did as well.

    I hope David’s spirit continues in you always, that his attitude will be embraced by more and more people.

    The whole gay marriage issue is so deep rooted—such passion on both sides, some vicious and steeped in bigotry, and some equally passionate for the right to love and give your life to whomever your true love is.

    For myself? I am straight. But I only know that, if I was gay, I’d certainly fight for the right to be legally joined with them. And I feel that it should be so for anyone.

    Keep up the good work, keep that spirit and embrace David always. What a man.

    • Thank you, Carol, for the lovely comment. David was definitely a man who could have taught a few people a hell of a lot. His soul was one of the most loving and kind of all those who I’ve met in my life.

      That old Billy Joel song is very true. Only the good die young

      David was both. I know he’s watching over me from the other side and smiling in that knowing way he had in life. I hope he’s proud of how far I’ve come in the years since he crossed over.

  5. Do the anti-gay marriage Americans know that Canada has had gay marriage for several years now. No destruction of traditional families. Children are still being raised. Children are still loved. People still fall in love. People still get married in churches and hotel lawns and in court rooms.

    SOCIETY HAS NOT COLLAPSED IN CANADA. Why on earth would it collapse in the US? Do your gays have a special kind of super bug that can wipe out society, but is only activated when married?

    I haz confusion.

    • Yes, they know, Krista, but let’s be honest here. These are the same people who believe all Canadians are buck-toothed, uneducated, crazies living in the deep northern woods. Oh, that and they think the Canadians have big fat COOTIES!

      *shakes head*

      Sadly, I find myself ashamed of my own countrymen on days like this. Perhaps, I was adopted from a nice Canadian family and wasn’t told.

      BTW you’re not the only one who is confused…*sighs loudly*

      • >>Sadly, I find myself ashamed of my own countrymen on days like this. <>These are the same people who believe all Canadians are buck-toothed, uneducated, crazies living in the deep northern woods. Oh, that and they think the Canadians have big fat COOTIES!<<

        I never heard that one! I always thought Canadians were cleaner than we are, more polite than we are, less gun-happy than we are, and basically more civilized. I could live there if it wasn't so blasted far to the North and my old bones wouldn't take the winters.

  6. I have been happily-married for 26 years to my husband, and we have raised 4 kids to young adulthood. When they were much younger and would come home saying things like “That’s so gay”, or insinuating that someone was, I’d make them sit and listen to my standard lecture, which was that from what I’ve learned from my gay friends/relatives, many do not realize they are until they are young adults themselves. So if you make a habit of insulting others using those words, what are you going to do if you gradually realize that you, yourself, are what you have always thought of as an anomaly? A pariah? A person who is devalued because of something you have no control over? (It’s NOT catchy, and it’s NOT a choice!)
    People who are uber-Christian really need to re-read their stories, and remember that he who is without flaws is the one who can throw stones. The rest of us should shut up. People fall in love, get married, kids get born. It is the way of things. I don’t ask what you do in your bedroom, nor do I expect to have to tell you what I do in mine. Gay marriage does not affect my marriage in any way. Love has no color/gender.

    • Fiona we need more people like you who understand and raise their children not to be bigots. Parents who explain things to their children in an educated way so that they go out into the world without blinders on.

      Sexual orientation is not a choice nor is it a disease and I love the way you stated that. When I was younger I held my tongue when I ran into people who had that mind set. What’s the point? I thought. Now that I’m older I have no problem saying something because frankly I’m tired of all the hate. Yes, it’s hate folks no matter how you paint it.

      And for those people who preach about what’s right vs. what’s wrong. Those who claim to be Christians hiding behind half-baked theories I can only say this. Perhaps, you should re-familiarize yourself with the Bible and its contents.

      Jesus would be ashamed of the lot of you.

  7. Imagine being told you couldn’t marry because someone else didn’t approve, and they went so far as to create a law to prevent you from marrying the person you loved. Those of us who are married to someone of the opposite sex have likely never given this much thought. The knee jerk reaction to such a law and that type of opposition against m/f marriage would be shock and disbelief. How long would we tolerate that kind of law infringing on our rights?

    As Jesse points out, we need to speak up, and speak out on behalf of gay marriage. We need solidarity. If we don’t take a stand, who will? This is a matter of civil rights. I support gay marriage in every way I can. I may not be able to provide funds toward electing gay candidates who run for political office, but I can make my thoughts known by voting. Thanks Jesse, for the timely reminder of what is right.

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