Dear Goddess has it been over two months since I posted anything? Yes, I guess it has been. Time flies when you’re trying to sort your priorities out–doesn’t it? *chuckles*
Between two jobs, the holidays, and more issues than a mental health facility I lost track of time in the worst way. I’ve sorted through an overabundance of material clogging my HD and trying to pinpoint my exact problem. Well, the biggest problem I see is I have too damn many bunnies hopping around the Plot Bunny Ranch aka my brain pan. I’ve been so damn stressed I lost my shit with a sixteen year old the other day. A kid…seriously I lost my shit with a kid. I started wondering if maybe just maybe I wasn’t letting shit go as easily as I thought I’d been. Then there was the co-worker who I consider a friend. This particular co-worker has some serious anger issues and after a run in earlier this week I took a good, long hard look in the mirror and ask myself a big question.
Do I want to end up like that? Bitter and angry? Getting worked up over the stupidest things that have nothing to do with me or who I am?
The answer I came up with was a huge honking NO.
For the past two years I’ve allowed my disappointment over the people around me and my own shortcomings bog me down in a dark place none of us should ever visit. I understand part of this is the depression I’ve suffered from for the past decade. Despite having no health insurance I know I need help; a professional to talk to who can help me sort things out and possibly medication. It’s hard though to ask for the help we need and sometimes we have no way to pay for it. Yeah, when I had health insurance I didn’t need it. Now that I need it I don’t. Isn’t that the way it works. *sighs*
Frankly, I’m tired of feeling like roadkill most days and forcing a smile on my face. I’m not dead yet and I don’t want to feel like I am. There must be a way to find the help I need before it gets too hard for me to handle on my own. My writing was my therapy, but now that I work at home (rental property manager) I don’t have an escape chute where I can hide and write like I used to. Things have to change and here are the most important two.
1) The day job due to its nature is 24/7, the majority of tenants are good people, but there are those who believe the universe revolves around them. They call at all hours of the day and night possibly under the impression I’m a robot who needs neither sleep or downtime. That my friends is about to change come hell or high water. There will be office hours, regular hours, and unless it’s an emergency I am not answering the damn phone.
2) I’ve already started this one. The bunnies need corralled; pure and simple. It’s not that I can’t organize shit I was an Operations Administrator for a $2 mil a year company. It’s just those darn bunnies are so fascinating and I believe in free-ranging them. I’ve let the little bastards go wild and multiply out of control. Time to do some snip-snipping to their ability to pro-create. Yeah, I’m going to perform a few plot bunny vasectomies. Let me see the little bastards produce after that. *snorts*
On a better front I had for the first time in 26 years a quiet, peaceful and enjoyable Thanksgiving. I managed to actually put up a small Holiday tree for the first time in I don’t know when which is a good sign. And a friend has asked me to create a mural for her living room something I’ve wanted to do for years. I told her I was rusty in the art department, but I suppose with a bit of WD-40 and some doodling it might work out.
Well, that’s about it folks. Here’s hoping another 2 months won’t pass before I pop in again.