Fuck the Blair Witch Project & It’s Bastard Children

Yeah, I kind of dropped the ball on the entire New Year resolution to blog on a regular weekly basis. To be honest part of the reason is I rarely have anything to say. The other part is I have two jobs; one is mentally exhausting and the other is physically exhausting. Not to mention the fact I suffer from insomnia and depression. Most weeks I feel as if I’m chasing my own tail in a bloody circle.

Well, all bitching aside a few great things have happened this year so far. Thanks to my tax return I was able to replace my old laptop that was starting to give me shit and get a router so I could finally go wireless. Part of going wireless allowed me to finally set up Netflix through my Blu-Ray player that I purchased last year. Now I can write, cruise the internet and still watch movies. It was the watching movies part that gave birth to this blog post and the incredibly offensive title if you happen to be a fan of the Blair Witch Project.

Okay, I’m going to be dating myself here (after all I just celebrated my 45th birthday) but when did horror as a genre crumble to shit. It’s not only the movies, but books as well. In fact, my best friend and I were having a discussion the other night about how vampires needed to go back to being the monsters they used to be when we were younger. Thanks to books like Twilight the monster we knew has turned into a laughable fang-less clown.

Don’t misunderstand me. Yes, there were bad horror novels and movies even when I was a kid, but it seems in this day and age anyone with a laptop or a handheld digital camera can become the next big thing. Fucking Andy Warhol was right and way ahead of his time when he said in 1968 (by the way that was the year I was born) that  “In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.”

Blair Witch Project was amazing. Not that it was scary in any other way except to increase the sales of Dramamine and other motion sickness products. It was the ultimate PR fuck you. I remember thinking just how stupid are people that they believed it was “real”. For fuck’s sake the actress who played “Heather” was on a string of “Steak ‘n’ Shake” commercials. There was a girl I was working with at the time of the movies release who was horrified when I told her

1) It was not real.

2) She was an idiot for believing it was real.

and

3) I knew what happened to at least one of the “poor, hapless victims”. Hello, Steak ‘n’ Shake.

No matter how much I talked to her about it she refused to believe it was anything except real. Goddess, save us from the stupid people of the world.

Thanks to the Blair Witch Project and their amazing mind-bending PR plan suddenly the “lost footage” movie became the new “in” thing. Every asshole with a digital or 8mm film camera was a fucking Hollywood director in the making. Being the next “Blair Witch” became what being the next “Rock Star” meant to my generation.

Over the past decade or so we’ve been drowning in “lost footage” films and “reality television”. We’ve allowed the true beauty of horror and creativity to be kicked to the curb as if it were nothing but trash. That’s not to say an occasional “real” horror flick doesn’t get through the sewer grate Hollywood has become when it comes to creativity. One such movie recently was “The Lady in Black” starring Daniel Radcliffe.

Based on the novel of the same name the movie relied not on blood, gore, and massive computer-generated special effects, but rather on mood, setting, and the core of our very human fear of the unknown. We experience loss and grief through the eyes of the main character as well as the namesake of the title. The separation from those we love by death itself and the fear of never seeing them again is at the core of horror.

Horror…true horror…comes from the psychological depths of the human mind, the things we fear, and the things we refuse to accept. From that fear monsters are born and cautionary tales. Tales such as “The Monkey’s Paw” where parents are unable to accept the death of their son and end up making a wish no human should. This is the truth of horror not some pointless tale of people lost and screaming in the woods while their friends die bloody deaths one by one.

Horror also tells us that what lies beyond the portal of death is nothing to fear unless we’ve been wicked in life and refuse to change our ways. It tells us if we refuse to let go and accept the inevitable we become the very thing we fear.

Just some food for thought readers.

Until Later

forest skull sig

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